Thursday, September 23, 2004
Ugh
This is a big pile of bull doo-doo:
http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&cid=615&e=2&u=/nm/20040923/pl_nm/congress_pledge_dc
Republicans lately are REALLY pissing me off when it comes to religion. So here's a warning to the Republican party, for what it's worth: If you keep pushing your morality and religion on this country, I WILL change my political party.
Ugh. There's nothing funny about this, sorry.
http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&cid=615&e=2&u=/nm/20040923/pl_nm/congress_pledge_dc
Republicans lately are REALLY pissing me off when it comes to religion. So here's a warning to the Republican party, for what it's worth: If you keep pushing your morality and religion on this country, I WILL change my political party.
Ugh. There's nothing funny about this, sorry.
Friday, September 17, 2004
I REALLY Gotta Buy Me a Lottery Ticket
Okay. So I won 50% of a bad beat jackpot at Lucky Chances on June 26. That was cool. Then about two weeks after that I won 20% of a mini-bad beat jackpot at Lucky Chances. All was well and good. I enjoy poker, I've been playing it on a fairly regular basis. I don't go for the jackpots, I go for the game.
So tonight, I was just minding my own business, sitting at a table, when Steph gives me the nightly "Come home or you're sleeping on the couch" cell phone call. In the middle of that call, our table erupts in screams, as the bad beat jackpot hits. So I picked up 4.286% of it just for being there, which ain't too shabby. Good lord, why am I getting so lucky? Who wants to rub me for good luck? Um, wait a minute, I take that back. The connection to a Buddha statue just doesn't sit well with me.
So tonight, I was just minding my own business, sitting at a table, when Steph gives me the nightly "Come home or you're sleeping on the couch" cell phone call. In the middle of that call, our table erupts in screams, as the bad beat jackpot hits. So I picked up 4.286% of it just for being there, which ain't too shabby. Good lord, why am I getting so lucky? Who wants to rub me for good luck? Um, wait a minute, I take that back. The connection to a Buddha statue just doesn't sit well with me.
Wednesday, September 15, 2004
Turf War
So I invited a bunch of people over for a pool party on Saturday. I reserved the apartment complex's clubhouse from 10-5, as it was already reserved from 6-10. No problem. I reserved it on Tuesday, dropped off my deposit on Friday, and all was just hunky-dory. The pool party was set to start at 11 per the evite.
Now, the majority of people I invited were up until 4:30 playing StarCraft, so of course no one showed up at 11. In fact, only one person showed up before 12, and he wasn't one of the StarCraft players. I learned from my moving party mistakes, though, and gave three people a wake-up call at 12:30. But I digress.
At around 11:45, this woman brings her bag o' stuff over to the patio area right outside the clubhouse. She proceeds to empty her bag, laying an item of clothing or other possession on every table and chair in the area. She and her husband then run over to one of the other two tables in the pool area, grab it, and bring it over to the patio area. She makes her daughter strip down to her bathing suit, and starts putting a shoe on this chair, her shirt on this lounge chair, etc. I stare in amazement.
So I realize that if I don't do something quick, we won't have anywhere for people to sit. I grabbed Mark's bag and ran over to the only remaining table, emptying his stuff onto that. During this time, she strides over to Mark with an air of superiority and bitchiness, and tells him "We have this clubhouse." Mark points to me and I come over. She repeats her claim, and with what I hope was an annoying smirk, I said, "Nope, I have it reserved." She then fumes off to the leasing office to attempt to bury me in administration. But on her exit, she avoided me, and my gaze, so I knew that I won the round.
At this point I had about four chairs, a table, and four lounge chairs for our 10 people. She had her crap--I mean stuff all over the place, probably "claiming" 20-30 seats and two tables. She then swims with her daughter for 30 minutes and proceeds to leave the pool area. Until 3:30. So during this time Steve wanted to toss all of her stuff in the pool, but Jocelyn wouldn't let him. Damn.
I find it amazing that people like that aren't tossed in the pool themselves. But live and learn. Next time I'll go down there with a post-it pad and a pen. And stink bombs. And a notarized letter stating:
"Dear Ms. Smarmy,
You are an inconsiderate and selfish wench. In addition, you smell bad and do NOT look good in that bathing suit. Unless you are TRYING to imitate a beached whale.
I see a future for you in hostage negotiation. However, it's short lasted, as you will claim all the phone lines to the place, leave to get five Big Macs for breakfast, and not come back until the hostage takers are done executing everyone.
Have a nice day.
Sincerely,
One Who is Sick of Your Crap
P.S. Please go jump in a lake.
P.P.S. If you get there early enough, perhaps you could save the rocks for your nonexistent party.
P.P.P.S. Oh, and after you jump in, please remember to refill it."
I apologize for the length and unfunniness of this post. I promise to try harder to entertain in the future. For an image of the woman described above, click here.
Now, the majority of people I invited were up until 4:30 playing StarCraft, so of course no one showed up at 11. In fact, only one person showed up before 12, and he wasn't one of the StarCraft players. I learned from my moving party mistakes, though, and gave three people a wake-up call at 12:30. But I digress.
At around 11:45, this woman brings her bag o' stuff over to the patio area right outside the clubhouse. She proceeds to empty her bag, laying an item of clothing or other possession on every table and chair in the area. She and her husband then run over to one of the other two tables in the pool area, grab it, and bring it over to the patio area. She makes her daughter strip down to her bathing suit, and starts putting a shoe on this chair, her shirt on this lounge chair, etc. I stare in amazement.
So I realize that if I don't do something quick, we won't have anywhere for people to sit. I grabbed Mark's bag and ran over to the only remaining table, emptying his stuff onto that. During this time, she strides over to Mark with an air of superiority and bitchiness, and tells him "We have this clubhouse." Mark points to me and I come over. She repeats her claim, and with what I hope was an annoying smirk, I said, "Nope, I have it reserved." She then fumes off to the leasing office to attempt to bury me in administration. But on her exit, she avoided me, and my gaze, so I knew that I won the round.
At this point I had about four chairs, a table, and four lounge chairs for our 10 people. She had her crap--I mean stuff all over the place, probably "claiming" 20-30 seats and two tables. She then swims with her daughter for 30 minutes and proceeds to leave the pool area. Until 3:30. So during this time Steve wanted to toss all of her stuff in the pool, but Jocelyn wouldn't let him. Damn.
I find it amazing that people like that aren't tossed in the pool themselves. But live and learn. Next time I'll go down there with a post-it pad and a pen. And stink bombs. And a notarized letter stating:
"Dear Ms. Smarmy,
You are an inconsiderate and selfish wench. In addition, you smell bad and do NOT look good in that bathing suit. Unless you are TRYING to imitate a beached whale.
I see a future for you in hostage negotiation. However, it's short lasted, as you will claim all the phone lines to the place, leave to get five Big Macs for breakfast, and not come back until the hostage takers are done executing everyone.
Have a nice day.
Sincerely,
One Who is Sick of Your Crap
P.S. Please go jump in a lake.
P.P.S. If you get there early enough, perhaps you could save the rocks for your nonexistent party.
P.P.P.S. Oh, and after you jump in, please remember to refill it."
I apologize for the length and unfunniness of this post. I promise to try harder to entertain in the future. For an image of the woman described above, click here.
Thursday, September 02, 2004
On Protesters
Okay, time to show my closed-mindedness and insensitivity towards people.
Protesters. *shudder* I respect your right to free speech, and I applaud your attempt to fight against what you believe is unjust. But please, do it the right way. Every protest I have seen in this country consists of smelly people with shaggy hair and crappy clothes chanting slogans that rhyme but are stupid. They fight against "the man", assault police officers, and are just generally belligerent. Sometimes I agree with their message, but their method of delivery disgusts me. Now, are people who DON'T agree with their message, or more importantly, people still on the fence, going to listen? Hell no.
Times have changed. Hippies aren't listened to anymore, they're just considered relics from a drug-induced-haze age. If you really want to enact change, consider your audience. Write intelligent letters/opinion columns. Find a respectable outlet for your message. But most importantly, stop acting like idiots when you meet as a group. Don't lump together your protests. I understand that you get more people together but when you have people fighting against the war in Iraq combined with the people who want marijuana legalized combined with the people who want the right to molest small rodents, do you still consider quantity over quality? I think the most effective way to stifle protesters would be to find a protest you disagree with, wear a NAMBLA shirt, and walk around in a G-String with them. The sad thing is, you probably wouldn't be alone.
So please don't stop fighting, just change the way you fight. And take a damn shower.
Protesters. *shudder* I respect your right to free speech, and I applaud your attempt to fight against what you believe is unjust. But please, do it the right way. Every protest I have seen in this country consists of smelly people with shaggy hair and crappy clothes chanting slogans that rhyme but are stupid. They fight against "the man", assault police officers, and are just generally belligerent. Sometimes I agree with their message, but their method of delivery disgusts me. Now, are people who DON'T agree with their message, or more importantly, people still on the fence, going to listen? Hell no.
Times have changed. Hippies aren't listened to anymore, they're just considered relics from a drug-induced-haze age. If you really want to enact change, consider your audience. Write intelligent letters/opinion columns. Find a respectable outlet for your message. But most importantly, stop acting like idiots when you meet as a group. Don't lump together your protests. I understand that you get more people together but when you have people fighting against the war in Iraq combined with the people who want marijuana legalized combined with the people who want the right to molest small rodents, do you still consider quantity over quality? I think the most effective way to stifle protesters would be to find a protest you disagree with, wear a NAMBLA shirt, and walk around in a G-String with them. The sad thing is, you probably wouldn't be alone.
So please don't stop fighting, just change the way you fight. And take a damn shower.
Analogies are Fun
Sometimes I feel like a bowl full of meatballs in the microwave of life.
Wednesday, September 01, 2004
I Agree with Bob the Angry Flower
